Author: taurusmoonlover

One Year in My Tiny Apartment

Projects

Exactly one year ago I picked up keys to my tiny studio apartment and I couldn’t be more grateful that this is the one I picked…

Let me give you a little back story on how I ended up in this apartment. It was August of 2019, my ex and I had decided to separate which meant I was moving out. I was looking at studios due to budget/location and this building was already in my neighborhood. I had always commented on how beautiful the building was and how lucky the tenants were to have such a beautiful rooftop terrace.

I began to fixate on seeing one of the units in the building as it checked all the boxes. Location, price, parking, and a true studio. I also was intrigued because it advertised as 500sft which would put it on the “tiny house” spectrum. So I setup a mid September viewing, earliest they had, after calling their leasing office relentlessly. The leasing agent did inform me that the unit was under renovations and would not be ready until October 1st.

What I walked into was rough, bare freaking bones. No flooring in, no kitchen in, electrical ripped out, and construction crap everywhere. I could tell the leasing agent was mortified. She apologized profusely and kept reiterating that she would’ve never shown it to me had she known. Luckily for me I work in repairs and maintenance so I could see the potential. I asked for every detail on what finishes were going in and measured every wall. (See below viewing photos)

I took a chance on that apartment and on myself that day. I told the leasing agent I would take it and would like to move in as soon as the apartment was ready. She seemed surprised I was so sure of myself but was happy to bring me on as a new tenant. We sorted the move in date and completed all the paperwork, everything was standard and very simple.

I was so nervous the day I picked up the keys, I didn’t know what I was walking into. As soon as I opened the door I knew they delivered. It was finished in the beautiful old Hollywood way I had hoped for. The amount of natural light I get in this apartment is beyond amazing. It has five windows and walking in since the remodel the best way I could describe it was… let there be light! This move was emotional for me for so many different reasons.

Over the past year this space has been not only a home but a safe haven. I have been able to put myself first and restructure the way I think about health, relationships, and what I value most. It has been a sanctuary for me to grow and nurture things I never thought I would have a passion for again. I feel so grateful that my instincts told me this was my home and to trust my gut regardless of going in remodel blind.

All of the decoration and detail I have put into making this space mine has really calmed me during these “unprecedented” times. It remains a cozy space that brings me solace and joy while I look at all of my things, I really am a Taurus after all. I feel after this year and settling in this space, I truly am more myself than I have ever been.

I’ll remain in this small yet comfy hideaway until my next adventure. However, two big wins I’d like to end on! First win, I now know I can do a tiny house and my dreams of eventually owning one remain intact! Second win, my move in/decoration before and after photos! I have included these below along with some extra photos of my favorite curated nooks! 🙂

Wellness in 2020 Part 1: Mindset or Rabbit-hole

Thoughts

2020 has been a fucking wild one and we’ve still got months to go! I feel like cursing is completely acceptable in every situation given the current circumstances so bare with me. I wanted to share a little bit more about my wellness journey and how this year has affected me.

This year has been rough for everyone, I don’t think I need to emphasize that fact much. I wanted to share what wellness meant to me before this year and how I feel about it now.

2019 BC; Before COVID

Before 2020, I think I only started to think about wellness and what it truly meant a few short months before COVID. Last September I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and was truly on my own again. I hadn’t really taken care of myself mentally or physically for a long time before that.

For years I was constantly going on very little sleep, too much booze, and eating everything that was bad for me. I had stopped going to my doctor for annuals and only went as needed. I somehow validated this by always saying I was too busy or didn’t have time. I was easily 15-20lbs overweight and overall was not making any kind of wellness a priority.

The 2020 Struggle.

2020 has been rollercoaster of emotion, for me one of the areas it hit the hardest was in regards to wellness. It started because of the constant medical talk in the media, amongst friends/family, and the ever looming COVID fears. Things started to hit closer to home when I experienced a lingering UTI in March/April then a gnarly ear infection in July/August. I also started losing weight, working out a lot, and stressing when I was temporarily laid off. This caused me to fall into amenorrhea which really threw me for a loop.

I then had a large varicose vein appear at the end of August which really pushed me over the edge. Although these were unrelated items, I rarely ever get sick or miss my monthly so these things started to concern me heavily. It made me question my health, the choices I was making, and the impact this had on my body.

However, true to form, I over corrected and over corrected hard. Hardcore anxiety and panic. Hypochondriacs don’t have shit on a Taurus with an obsession. I went into deep Web MD tail spins and caught myself using large portions of my evenings Googling different symptoms/illnesses. I went to multiple doctors to confirm and reconfirm that there was nothing more serious going on. Which there wasn’t, it was just minor things with my genetics/age/stress levels. These rabbit-holes went on for weeks then months and thats when I knew something had to give.

Now.

It wasn’t until I started reaching out to the one person who I knew would help, my therapist, that things started to get better. I believe in therapy, I haven’t always but I do now especially as an adult. I have slowly and successfully learned how to retrain my anxiety to a manageable size with her assistance and doing the daily work myself. I set logical boundaries with the appropriate amounts of worry that should be tied to something as minimal as an enlarged vein, squeaky ear, and a missed period. I set limits to doctors appointments and revisits. Perfect example is I had annual physical exam for the first time in over 10 years in September. I decided before going that there would not be a follow up or additional anything unless recommended by my doctor. I relearned how to let go and to trust that if the doctor says we good, we good! Which we were so no more visits for awhile!

I think the main things that contributed to these snowball effects were overconsumption of search engines and social media. There have been key learnings I have taken away from this, especially never having experienced this level of crippling anxiety. Self diagnosing via search engine is never the answer and it is extremely toxic, go to the doctor if you’re concerned. Curate the accounts you follow on social media and ensure they are consistent with the frame of mind you are trying to maintain. It’s important to reflect on the content you’re exposing yourself to by asking the right questions. Example questions: How does this account’s content make me feel? Do I feel better off for investing my time in it? Do I consistently feel negative or positive after seeing/reading content from this account? Make your social media accounts your vision board!

I want to clarify that I am by no means out of the woods when it comes to my anxiety. I still have bad days, we all do. The only way to continue to move things forward is to stay the course, put in the work, and listen to your body AND your mind. I have lost almost 20lbs since April, I’m probably the healthiest I’ve been in over 5 years, and it is all due to consistency. I’ve included some of my progress photos both physical and mental below. I have also included some of my rabbit hole vein photos to give visibility into the level of anxiety/hypochondria I was experiencing. Anxiety is extremely isolating and whoever needs to hear this, you are not alone and you do not need to suffer in silence. I hope my experience and journey to wellness sheds light on that or helps for even one person.

One of the biggest tools I’ve used that has helped me gain a more balanced, centered, and wellness focused lifestyle is…..

Part 2 coming soon…

“Disneyland” Smoked Turkey Leg Recipe

Food

DISCLAIMER! I’m not going to give you my whole life story before sharing the recipe so don’t worry! In the paragraph below I’ll share a short background of my love for turkey legs so feel free to skip if you want the recipe!

One of my absolute favorite things when going to Disneyland when I was little was the food! My favorite place by Disneyland in Orlando was Epcot and in the United States of America they sold smoked turkey legs! I remember smelling them from two countries over and starting to beg my parents to take us so we could get one. It’s safe to say my love for all things food started at a very young age! So if you’re craving one of these, this recipe is for you!

Ingredients

  • Coarse Sea Salt
  • Brown Sugar
  • Apple Cider Vinegar
  • Liquid Smoke – Mesquite
  • Allspice
  • Bay Leaves
  • Black Peppercorns
  • Paprika
  • Garlic Powder
  • Cardamom
  • Marjoram
  • Water
  • Large Turkey Leg
  • 2 Large Gallon Plastic Ziplock Bags
  • Aluminum Foil
  • Baking/Cooking Sheet with Rack

Steps

  1. Make the wet portion of the brine – place turkey leg in one plastic gallon bag with 2 cups of boiling water, 1 cup of coarse sea salt, 1 cup of brown sugar, 3-4 splashes of apple cider vinegar, and 3-4 splashes of liquid smoke.
  2. Add dry ingredients to brine – add 3-4 dashes of each dry ingredient to the brine, I wish I had more exact measurements but the truth is I honestly just eyeball it based on the different recipes I researched.
  3. Marinate the turkey leg – make sure the brine is evenly distributed in the bag and it is zip-locked tight. Place first bag inside second gallon ziplock bag to ensure no leaks, allow turkey leg to brine in refrigerator for 24-36 hours.
  4. Prep the turkey leg before cooking – remove the turkey leg from brine and discard the brine. In order to protect the turkey leg’s skin in the early cooking process wrap the turkey leg in aluminum foil before placing on a baking sheet with a rack
  5. Cook turkey leg – the turkey leg can be cooked in a convection oven or standard conventional oven at 200C or 400F. Cook the turkey leg for 1.5-2 hours with the aluminum foil on checking doneness with a meat thermometer. Once thermometer shows appropriate cooked temperature remove aluminum foil and continue to cook for an additional 15-30 minutes or until skin is at desired crispness.
  6. Rest turkey leg after cooking – once the turkey leg is completely done cooking lightly rewrap leg in aluminum foil and rest for 15-30 minutes depending on size
  7. Enjoy delicious smoked turkey leg!

COVID-19 and a Quarantine Birthday in The City of Angels

Thoughts

The universe has a really fucked sense of humor sometimes which I personally don’t care for.

I wrote a blog post about two months ago regarding Saturn’s Return and my looming birthday. I wispily touched upon the kind of re-evaluation and self reflection that was about to follow. If that isn’t the biggest understatement of the year then I don’t know what is.

If I’m being frank, this quarantine has taken every ounce of eloquence out of me. Saturn’s Return and the current pandemic has hit me like a freight train of flaming hot garbage. Since my last post my industry was deemed non-essential where I was furloughed only to be laid off two weeks later. The prospective new opportunity I was pursuing is no longer available due to COVID’s financial impacts and the job market is basically nonexistent.

I’ve heard every statistic, number, percentage, symptom, cause, and opinion under sun regarding this god forsaken virus. It’s enough to make any sane person lose their shit. The American government is a shitshow and everyone just seems to be struggling to align on a go forward. In the midst of all this I find myself re-evaluating not only where I am in my life from a surface value but where I want to be should I find myself in this position again.

A little background for those who are not aware, I’m an east coast girl but I’ve lived in Los Angeles for the past 10 years. During the pandemic California has been particularly conservative and issued lock down orders relatively early. We are now two months in and our mayor has gone from asking us to flatten the curve to stating the city will not reopen fully until we find a cure. During this time states like Texas and Florida have reopened and are moving forward into some new version of normal. I’m not sure if I missed something but who said we would find a vaccine for COVID? So Los Angeles is just done as a city and our economy will be decimated until a vaccine for COVID is available?

I have friends who have lost their jobs and ones who have been fortunate enough to keep working throughout. Regardless, I find myself being resentful of California and not understanding how our mayor or governor can allow people to fall into financial ruin without a concrete plan. Majority of people I have heard from complain about personal life items they miss whether it be sports, gyms, or concerts.

However, those are not the complaints I have at this time. I have fought tooth and nail to make a life for myself in this city over the past 10 years and was finally starting to move past the break even phase. Businesses are announcing they will not be reopening indefinitely left and right in Los Angeles. How are people supposed to go back to work if there are no jobs to go back to? How can you ask me to wait it out when the writing is on the wall?

One thing I have talked about from the beginning of this pandemic is the things I will not be able to unsee or hear. Anyone who knows me knows I am a workaholic, I have not been home to visit family for a holiday in over 5 years. I have given my all in every position I have ever had and worked countless unpaid overtime hours. Being laid off during this basically feels like being sent up shit fucking creek without a paddle. I am naturally a forgiving person but I never forget anything. My relationship with the city of Los Angeles, my career path, and my overall outlook will be forever changed after this year. I understand businesses/governments have made the best decisions given the circumstances but to that same effect so will I.

As a Taurus a huge trait of my personality is loyalty, it is everything to me. In this current moment I feel betrayed by the company I worked for, the city I live in, and my government as a whole. These are things I cannot unsee and will alter my decisions on my future immensely. That said let me be clear, this is not to say I am not hopeful and think life is over. This is part of life. A wise women once told me that there are some things in life you love, you learn, and you move on. I’m not sure what my decisions will be and what my plan is going forward, but there will be change for the better. I know I have not yet lived my best years and great things are still to come. In every struggle I have ever had I have risked everything to make a better life for myself. There is a new life waiting for me on the other side of this pandemic, it will be an endurance uphill battle but I can take it to achieve my goals.

Saturn’s Return

Thoughts

Saturn-Return-Collage-3

What is Saturn’s Return?

By basic definition, Saturn’s Return is when the planet Saturn comes back to meet your natal Saturn. It takes about 29.5 years for this slow-mover to return to where it was when you were born. The Saturn return hits in the late 20s and its impact is felt into the early 30s.

My 29th birthday is exactly two months away from today and I’m in my 3rd day of quarantine on a coast where I have no family and limited friends… to say I’m feeling the current reality of my life is an understatement.

I’m 1000% sure I’m not the only person entering a period of self reflection however today I really felt the weight of it all. The things I haven’t done, the things I want to do yet it all seems so far away with the current state of the world. Chaos has ruled the world for the past three weeks and seemingly is going to continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

I’ll have a lot to think about regarding my next big move over the next two months. Nothing like the universe forcing you to sit down and re-evaluate exactly what it is you really want by a nationwide self-quarantine mandate.

However, I would like to encourage anyone reading this to ask any questions you may have about me or my life at this time. I’m an open book right now and am in a surprisingly positive mood considering. So ask away anything that your heart desires, stay cool and thanks for reading!

xoxo

TML

New Phone.. Who Dis?

Thoughts

New Taurusmoonlover who dis?

It has taken over four years for me to start to put in the love, hope, and energy I always had for this blog. I’m going full throttle now, no exceptions.

However.. I’m so out of the loop with the content you would like to see, so I need your opinion! What would you like to hear the most about?

What have I been doing?

What bands have I seen?

What food porn have I experienced?

Who are the designers I’m obsessed with?

How are my woof babies?

Ask me anything… I’m all ears!

XX.. TML 🙂

Me, Myself, and Lo-Fang

Music

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Last night I went to my first show alone, no friends or even acquaintances. I went to see Lo-Fang at the Masonic Lodge in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Why did I go alone? Well, half of my friends work in the service industry and typically work weekend nights and the other half have no interest in artists like Lo-Fang. Now, I have been to plenty of shows and concerts over the years but for some reason going to one by myself seemed very daunting. In the past I have made the mistake of not going to see an artist I liked in fear of going alone. So, when this show came to my attention I told myself I would not miss out on another great artist because of my ridiculous fear. I have been to the cemetery numerous times for events like Dia De Los Muertos and Movies in the Cemetery by Cinespia. However, I had never been inside the Masonic Lodge or even knew where it was inside the cemetery. I live quite close so I chose to walk from my apartment to the venue, don’t worry I had pepper in my purse and I had no desire to be mugged. When walking through the gates I asked several other people to point me in the direction of the lodge which turned out to be right under my nose. After flashing my ticket to the woman at the door the maze began, in my opinion it is much more of a lavish house than a lodge but what do I know. After awkwardly having to make a decision between two staircases in the courtyard I figured I would just follow people who looked like they knew where they were going.  Once entering the building from my chosen staircase, was a large room and that’s when I saw the woman selling sodas and water. I calmly went over and fessed up “I’ve never been here before and I’m not really sure where I’m supposed to go, where is…” before I could even finish she smugly points and says “it’s the big room over there.” I thanked her and feeling ridiculous I walked over in the direction she had pointed. Have I mentioned it was a dry show? Oh yes, couldn’t even purchase some liquid courage to calm my supernova awkwardness. Now, to put it lightly the crowd had me feeling like I was back in high school when I’d go over to a friend’s house who’s parents thought I was a bad influence. Very judgey and apprehensive. Upon entering the large room where Lo-Fang would play, there were benches along two walls and the rest was standing room only. Of course at this point there was no sitting room available so I further fed my growing awkwardness by standing. Shortly after Lo-Fang came on there was a serious shift in my feelings. Lo-Fang has a significant amount of awkwardness himself which oddly so made me feel very comfortable. Throughout the show I began to relax more and more to the point where I was even dancing by myself without a care in the world. Lo-Fang is a very honest artist, he has a sense of humor but also has an innate reverence for taking things seriously. It was because of his performance that I had a great time. To be honest at the beginning of the night I was afraid it was headed for the worst but I ended up walking home happy and in a great mood. I’ve attached some photos from the show and of my outfit. xxTML

  • Coat: Vintage
  • Top: Brandy Melville
  • Pants: American Apparel
  • Shoes: T.U.K. Creepers
  • Hat: Urban Outfitters